Our hearts are still broken...
Dec. 30th, 2018 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dmousey***Trigger warning Death
Writing this piece is emotionally difficult, but strangely cathartic. Six years ago, a genuinely magnificent person was ripped from this plane of existence, by a drunk, and under the influence driver.
I loved this young woman as wholeheartedly as I love my own children, our dearest Uncle Mel.
Attempting to recreate, what Melissa meant to my family, and why we loved her so, in this, a paltry handful or two of paragraphs will be a herculean task.
Experiencing her warmth and gentle acceptance of humanity's pitfalls, can't be done with words. How can people comprehend the phenomenal being, who went quietly spreading her gifts to brighten someone's world, without knowing Melissa.
Gratitude for this young woman is impossible to convey. She spent a lot of time patiently steering my high functioning, Autistic son, through the social graces. Oh, she could and rightfully would, become exasperated with his forgetfulness, but turn right around after taking a few deep breaths, and help him navigate through whatever mishap or drama his irresponsibility caused.
Mel did have her own troubles and concerns, yet she always found time for my son. She was his shoulder to lean on when life issues were rendering both his sister and I unable to be his strength. Melissa, without asking, quietly stepped in to fill the void.
Melissa knew his secrets, keeping them close, and understood his dreams. Nick was her little brother and she loved him; and she was his big brother and he loved her. It was as simple as that.
*******
Besides watching Melissa grow from awkward, nerdy, young teen to young adult, I was given the pleasure of working with her for a year, covering third shift for WaWa. Many interesting moments were shared, from harmonizing together singing along with the Indigo Girls, to coming up with comical posters for why the WaWa toaster was being cleaned; In hopes of fending off the irate customers wanting a toasted sandwich.
Regular's learning it was Mel drawing these cartoons, made it a point to come in and see them. I actually sold one for the exorbitant price of a dollar(!) with the customer asking Mel to sign it. Teasing that she was now a 'professional artist' I watched the joyful disbelief, dawning across her face as the realization hit her - A stranger thought her artwork was good enough to want for themselves!
Did I mention her voice yet? Clear and sweet. I'd needle her, telling her I was going to make her try out for American Idol. She'd pooh-pooh me, saying how crazy I was, but she'd sing a little louder secretly pleased.
She endured my pestering her with probing questions (You know mothers!) about my son and daughter; and working together gave us plenty of opportunities to have philosophical discussions of life and love in all its bewildering randomness. (Sigh) I miss those talks.
*******
Melissa's kinship (friendship isn't strong enough) with my family survived her falling in love with my daughter- while knowing Alicia loved another. But their bond was precious to them, so much so, it also survived my daughter's marriage. In fact Melissa loved Alicia enough to be the 'man of honor' and wear a dress in the wedding! Everyone still smiles at the image!
Melissa loved my children without restriction, and when my daughter's Marine husband was being deployed to Iraq, she up and moved to North Carolina, ostensibly to keep my daughter from becoming lonely. (We all knew she was missing my daughter.)
During my son-in-law's next deployment to Afghanistan, again Melissa stayed. This time to assist my daughter throughout her pregnancy. And assist she did! Melissa was with Alicia when she began labor, driving her to hospital, and was the third person in the family to hold my grandson.
She was my grandson's Uncle Mel, but her gentle spirit, and the love she had for him, is gone. True, Melissa hasn't been here, shaping, molding, or helping him grow into the silly nine year old he is, but we remember her for him... and we remember her for us.
Mostly, however we remember the love, which along with our treasured memories, can never truly be lost, when
we remember, Melissa.
Dedicated to Melissa Foraker - 4/19/1988- 1/3/2013
**Please don't drink and drive. Always have a designated driver. Melissa's car was struck head on- she died on impact.
The other driver lived.
Writing this piece is emotionally difficult, but strangely cathartic. Six years ago, a genuinely magnificent person was ripped from this plane of existence, by a drunk, and under the influence driver.
I loved this young woman as wholeheartedly as I love my own children, our dearest Uncle Mel.
Attempting to recreate, what Melissa meant to my family, and why we loved her so, in this, a paltry handful or two of paragraphs will be a herculean task.
Experiencing her warmth and gentle acceptance of humanity's pitfalls, can't be done with words. How can people comprehend the phenomenal being, who went quietly spreading her gifts to brighten someone's world, without knowing Melissa.
Gratitude for this young woman is impossible to convey. She spent a lot of time patiently steering my high functioning, Autistic son, through the social graces. Oh, she could and rightfully would, become exasperated with his forgetfulness, but turn right around after taking a few deep breaths, and help him navigate through whatever mishap or drama his irresponsibility caused.
Mel did have her own troubles and concerns, yet she always found time for my son. She was his shoulder to lean on when life issues were rendering both his sister and I unable to be his strength. Melissa, without asking, quietly stepped in to fill the void.
Melissa knew his secrets, keeping them close, and understood his dreams. Nick was her little brother and she loved him; and she was his big brother and he loved her. It was as simple as that.
*******
Besides watching Melissa grow from awkward, nerdy, young teen to young adult, I was given the pleasure of working with her for a year, covering third shift for WaWa. Many interesting moments were shared, from harmonizing together singing along with the Indigo Girls, to coming up with comical posters for why the WaWa toaster was being cleaned; In hopes of fending off the irate customers wanting a toasted sandwich.
Regular's learning it was Mel drawing these cartoons, made it a point to come in and see them. I actually sold one for the exorbitant price of a dollar(!) with the customer asking Mel to sign it. Teasing that she was now a 'professional artist' I watched the joyful disbelief, dawning across her face as the realization hit her - A stranger thought her artwork was good enough to want for themselves!
Did I mention her voice yet? Clear and sweet. I'd needle her, telling her I was going to make her try out for American Idol. She'd pooh-pooh me, saying how crazy I was, but she'd sing a little louder secretly pleased.
She endured my pestering her with probing questions (You know mothers!) about my son and daughter; and working together gave us plenty of opportunities to have philosophical discussions of life and love in all its bewildering randomness. (Sigh) I miss those talks.
*******
Melissa's kinship (friendship isn't strong enough) with my family survived her falling in love with my daughter- while knowing Alicia loved another. But their bond was precious to them, so much so, it also survived my daughter's marriage. In fact Melissa loved Alicia enough to be the 'man of honor' and wear a dress in the wedding! Everyone still smiles at the image!
Melissa loved my children without restriction, and when my daughter's Marine husband was being deployed to Iraq, she up and moved to North Carolina, ostensibly to keep my daughter from becoming lonely. (We all knew she was missing my daughter.)
During my son-in-law's next deployment to Afghanistan, again Melissa stayed. This time to assist my daughter throughout her pregnancy. And assist she did! Melissa was with Alicia when she began labor, driving her to hospital, and was the third person in the family to hold my grandson.
She was my grandson's Uncle Mel, but her gentle spirit, and the love she had for him, is gone. True, Melissa hasn't been here, shaping, molding, or helping him grow into the silly nine year old he is, but we remember her for him... and we remember her for us.
Mostly, however we remember the love, which along with our treasured memories, can never truly be lost, when
we remember, Melissa.
Dedicated to Melissa Foraker - 4/19/1988- 1/3/2013
**Please don't drink and drive. Always have a designated driver. Melissa's car was struck head on- she died on impact.
The other driver lived.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-01-01 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-01 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 03:19 pm (UTC)This must be a very hard time of year for you xx
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 05:06 pm (UTC)I was 12 when my “boyfriend’s” older brother was hit and killed by a drunk driver. Nate was 6 years older than us and home from college. He was walking home from work when a guy leaving a bar hit and killed him and drove away. The parent of another of our friends found him and was never the same. It made me rabid in my campaign of don’t drink and drive. I never did. I would never ride with anyone who did. I followed that case obsessively. A year later when the driver was finally sentenced He got 58 hours of community service. I still have the newspaper clippings of the articles about his death and about the subsequent trial and sentencing. They could never prove the driver was drunk (hit and run). That was also the day I gave up on our judicial system.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 06:03 pm (UTC)And this was so timely, too. These days I am almost always on the road over New Year’s Eve and New Years, because that is when we visit my husband’s folks in Missouri. As I’m making that drive on New Years Eve, all the relatives call anxiously, “Are you off the road yet? Drunks will be out soon.” I wish the world would change to something safer in this regard more quickly than it is.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 07:51 pm (UTC)Added to The anguish, Mel's father is a paramedic. They were called to the scene. 😢😢
I did write a letter(i'm housebound) to the judge in the defendant's case for the prosecutor, between Melissa's family and mine, we did get a charge of Vehicular Homicide with a sentence of ten years - eligible for parole in 5.
I'm sorry your judge betrayed you. And we're rather staunch campaigners and adherents to not drinking and driving ourselves.
Am sorry to bring flashbacks. ***huggs*** ✌🎉⛄❄🎄😊
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 07:58 pm (UTC)Happy New Year! 🎉✌⛄❄😊
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 08:10 pm (UTC)Yes, everyone needs extra caution at this time of year. I think this was so heavy on my heart because 4 young men were killed day after Christmas.
Anyhoo, thanks for reading! 😊❄⛄✌🎉
no subject
Date: 2019-01-02 08:14 pm (UTC)🎉✌⛄❄😊
no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 05:24 pm (UTC)I really loved your use and explanation of "kinship" here.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 05:55 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading! 😊✌❄🎉⛄
no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 05:59 pm (UTC)than it is to explain a child of the heart. Happy New Year, Peace and joy, ⛄🎉❄✌😊
no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-04 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-04 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-04 04:03 pm (UTC)Anyhoo, Happy New Year! 🎉🎀✌❄😊
no subject
Date: 2019-01-04 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-04 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-05 07:18 am (UTC)