Tossed Salad

[dmousey]

There are times when you come to realize your spirit is being broken down to its very essence. You don't know why, or understand what, you've done to anger the Gods, you only know that you must have, to feel so ...defeated.

Demons chase you, yet you still refuse to relinquish your last thread of hope for spiritual peace. Hope is the key for survival, giving man the ability to assimilate negatives, and find the positives.

Frustration and anger provokes your soul's unrest, especially when you can't immediately find the resources you need to combat those negatives. Is that what breaking of the spirit means?

A human's ability to bear suffering in tireless stoicism is valiant ; yet man's inability to learn from suffering IS tragic.

Many a religious text has it written, to view, and live, your life as a child; But this is for the child wanted and loved.

A child that's had a chance to grow through the years, surrounded by the safety of their parents arms; Secure in the knowing that someone stronger who loves them will take care of things that go bump in the night, or boo in the day.

But what if one never had the chance to be that happy child? What if you're innocence was spoiled and abused? What kind of perspective would that child have?

Regression? Or envy toward those that did have love?Would you even have innocent hope left?

If one can't get through a day and acknowledge the beauty of a bird's flight, the curve of a toddler's cheek, or the laughter in a dog's eyes or discover the simple joy of blowing bubbles?

Is it to try and help you find your way back to simple things? Are we to fill up on the rainbows and bubbles, and share that simple joy with others? Is that what it means.

To make others smile even while your heart is filled with anger and frustration, sorrow and madness?

To not denounce the deities, but to give thanks for the bubbles in the breeze? The very breeze itself?

To understand there still is love and hope out there. That someone will hear our cries, and dry our tears, kiss the boo-boos to make the hurt go away, or at least help to find a peaceful resolution for the frustration.

As for me, I will endeavour to somehow find the strength to abide, that things will simply be, what they are supposed to be.

Comments

[rayaso]

A wonderful, thoughtful entry. Your decision to frame this as the asking of questions was a good one, since these questions have no answers. I especially liked the last one.

[dmousey]

I was one of those kidlets who always asked why! Welp, as I grew up I learned this question was rarely answered in the land of grown-ups, and everyone's perspective usually differs.

So I stopped asking why long ago. ✌😊🐁🎀 Thanks for popping in and reading. This was actually the hardest to write because I don't think/write in a linear fashion

Ps. the opening to this comment would have fit perfectly as the opening to this essay! 😋

[babydramatic_1950]

Thank you for this. They joy of simple things, yes. I am trying to focus on that now.

[dmousey]

Thank you. Finding little joys in chaos has always been a strong suit of mine. It's how I roll! (Nah, it's my survival instinct) ✌🐭🐁😊

[babydramatic_1950]

With me it's finding joy in simple things instead of feeling bitter that I don't have the big things. I live on the Upper West Side where 9 out of 10 people have advanced degrees from prestigious universities, do *something* in the performing arts, have exciting careers where they travel and meet people. Oh, and many own two houses. I am a third generation New Yorker who was a C student at a mediocre Brookln high school, went to a commuter college at night, and spent my work life pushing papers. I mean I also did a lot of exciting things, but per my entry for "Salad Days", they don't really matter in the current era that is so career, education, and success driven.

[dmousey]

It's finding joy in simple things instead of feeling bitter that I don't have the big things.

Yes, it is. It's also realizing that what you have is more than somebody else has. I came to understand that not everyone lived the way I did,

Stop beating on yourself. You're a fine human being and the only person's approval you need is YOURS.


P.S. In full disclosure, you're a FANTASTIC writer, and it causes me to feel uneducated -not stupid- but undereducated. Which is actually good for me! pushes me to do better! ***Hugg*** 🎈🎀✌🐁🐭😊

[babydramatic_1950]

Thank you so much! But I am not very well educated. As I said, I went to a mediocre high school and did not go to college until I was in my 30s. Then I went at night, just to a city college. I certainly don't think I learned anything about writing in school. Probably from reading, mostly the sort of essays that mix memoir, opinions, and humor.

[bleodswean]

This is a mixed bag but all with the same ability to nourish the soul. These are good and very hard questions. *hugs*

[dmousey]

That's why it's a Tossed Salad! Stream of conciousness is rough because my thoughts jumble, as this piece clearly shows. And I know this one is my weakness. Thanks for reading anyway! ✌🐭🐁😊🎀

[adoptedwriter]

Makes ya think! (In a good way!)

[dmousey]

Thank you!! Not a good time to have experimented with stream of consciousness!! 😊🐁🐭✌

[itsjust_c]

The fact that your stream of conciousness writing, tranfers so well into words that make such great sense, is admirable. Mine really would be all over the place!

'Why?' has always been my favourite question too and as a child I never got many satisfactory answers from adults either!

[dmousey]

Thank you. I actually needed to hear that, and I appreciate it greatly. Thanks for popping in and reading!✌🎀🐁🐭😊

[halfshellvenus]

There are some good questions here about the divergence of perspectives (and hopes for the future) depending on what one's childhood was like. This is the beginning of who each of us is, and it can build us as well as nearly break us.

[dmousey]

Thank you for conveying so easily, what I tried to put into words!(light laughter).

That's why this one's title is Tossed Salad - My brother and I are two almost stereotypical sides of same coin. The exception and difference between us was - he lost hope and became bitter and angry.

I, hugged my secret hopes,and and dreams close, and they sustained me.

Thank you for giving it this interpretation! It does my heart good! 😊🐭🐁✌🎀

[halfshellvenus]

The amazing thing is when children have a terrible childhood, and they survive it and go on to find happiness.

Your brother's outcome is so much more likely. But having the resilience to overcome it? That is rare and so very fortunate!

[flipflop_diva]

This was really sweet and sad and thought-provoking. And with my daughter sleeping next to me on the couch, it's the kind of entry that makes me want to protect and love her even more than I already do, so I can show her the joys of blowing bubbles and watching a bird fly.

So thank you for this.

And if this is a bit autographical (which it reads like), I'm glad you were able to overcome your childhood to be the person you are today <33

[dmousey]

Thank you... it is. I'm lucky. It is a lot a bit autobiographical. Being able the avid reader that I am, when a pre-teen, I read Pandora's Jar(box), and it touched me deeply. As I grew older I always describe my life as being that of Pandora's - but hope... hope is a woderful thing!🎀✌🐁🐭😊